August 1, 2014

Choosing To Live Childless




I remember the day very clearly when my days of motherhood became a reality holding that tiny person in my arms with happy tears rolling down my cheeks and my husband was so proud to be called as "Father". Our lives changed for ever. There were many (lucrative) reasons why we should not go for parenthood and there was only one best reason to go for one. We chose to experience parenthood for just that one reason that it would make both of us happy.

Of course that was an era where the next steps of marriage has to be all about raising a family. A time when  I have only known ladies who were desperate  to have their own child (sooner or later). A society that strongly believed and made everyone believe that a womanhood is never complete without procreating.  The choice was never Do you want to have kids? It was mandated and so answer was always presumed. The choice was only  about - How many kids? 

What was once an increasingly common decision in western culture has now influenced us (Indians) too. I am seeing this new trend where women seem to emancipate themselves from this so called ultimate purpose of her life. I commonly see that mainly women are no longer tempted to have a child of their own.

While some females seem to have known early in their age that they don't really have anything to do with maternal feelings, some don't know yet which way they want to go. Whichever place you are in, the important thing is when time comes confront your own reticent.  Before you reach the point of no return ensure as best as you can that you are clear on your reasoning and sanguine about its drawbacks as well as its advantages. Understand the potential ramifications. A male partner has the luxury of changing his mind; but a women can't because once your cache of eggs runs out your procreating days are over.

We all have adapted/adopted changes in our life breaking the socially accepted norms only because that benefited  you and your (nuclear) family at some point of time. You had your own reasons at that time which likely seemed unacceptable to many. But still you did it. 

There are always going to be opinionated friends and family. Some who may be just a little jealous about all the freedom, the  less responsibility, more sleep, more free time, more disposable income that you will enjoy. And some genuine ones that will help you in decision making weeding out any irrationality behind it. 

Choosing to be childless is a burning decision. It is further complicated by people, who surround to instigate this debate. As friends and family we shouldn't be really advocating on what's right or wrong. Instead if you can help such couples focus on finding the right reasons for their choice/decision.
If you can't speak against your beliefs at least let's not complicate it for them.

It is not unnatural to choose to pass on parenthood but it is unusual yet. The good thing is that you get to make your own choice. A choice that needs to be amicably picked by the very 2 people who vowed to continue this journey of togetherness "until death do us apart". A choice that will keep the couple happy before and after the decision. The more you will learn to love your decisions the less you will feel the need for others to love it for you.

I would recommend reading this post by one of my fellow blogger  aligning on the same subject  - Is Motherhood a Choice?. I conjured my thoughts after reading her post. Thanks Ananya.

*All images courtesy Google. 
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