Strength

Life is bitter, it is also sweet.
It's always full of challenges that we need to feat.

Love can be unexpressed, it can be explicit.

It's always misunderstood to hurt, but if you think it's actually people who inflict.

Choices aren't always easy, and it isn't always in plenty.
If you don't want to regret, then never make it hasty.

Time can be your enemy, It can also heal.

If it's not your moment, then there is no zeal.

Sometimes it's faith, the other times it's fate.

For all those times I pray to god for a little abate.

Our Humble Ganesha

Normally we use our regular Ganesha idol that we have at home for Ganesha Chaturthi Pooja. But this year in addition to that I attempted to make one. Well, not really using clay or something but using fresh produce from the grocery store.

I had no plans of making one until the previous evening it just occurred to me that I could carve a ganpati on a huge watermelon. I am creative to an extent but don't have very artistic hands. Carving seem to be a little far fetched given the time and zilch experience I have in fruit carvings!

I had asked my husband to pick up a huge watermelon on his way home from work. In the meantime as I thought more about it my confidence in attempting an artistic Ganpati carving was diminishing.
Lack of confidence forced me to think of a backup plan. So  I quickly prepared a list of items that I wanted and called my husband to add more items along with the huge watermelon.

So, what did I come up with? See for yourself :)

Our humble Ganesha made out of fruits and vegetables.

1) Green apple for head where I carved the eyes, eyebrows and stuck in some googly eyes that I borrowed from my son's craft items.

2) For Ears, umbrella and hands were made using green bell peppers.

3) For Trunk, I carved a portion of cucumber and shaped like it.

4) For Belly/Torso, Just used a small size watermelon as is.

5) For Legs, I used bottom part of Japanese Eggplant, But you can also use Zucchini if shape looks right.

Used toothpicks to assemble and fasten each part and pieces.

Of course a few decoration with Bindi and Fruits (Grapes) mala and Mukut (Crown) using grapes, strawberry and Zucchini.

Made Ganesha's favorite Modak's  steamed (rice powder dough covering with coconut+jaggery filling) and fried (All purpose flour covering with  coconut+jaggery filling).


I shaped/cut all the parts and kept them in my fresh produce containers and placed in the refrigerator.
The following morning before our sthapana and pooja we assembled and decorated it.


Here is a pic from the year 2012 - I made this ganesha face (on the tray) using Rice.

So, what do you think?

Life And Death Decision

An excerpt from a true story.

"Whatever you decide, I'll accept your decision and support it" were her husbands words before he left on a 2 day work related trip. He owned a startup medical business and she was a stay at home mom with 2 kids.

It wasn't a peaceful night when she had put her 2 daughters (ages 5 and 4) to sleep. Her heart was pounding like a jackhammer and her mind was racing with a million thoughts. She knew the business wasn't going well. The financial crunch was plaguing her thoughts.  With zilch savings left, the concern about future was a persistent part of their daily reality.  As a mom and as a women her main aim was to give good education for her daughters hoping that would help the kids to be self sufficient when they grow up. But they lacked the wherewithal to pay even for the basic needs.

Amidst all this she wasn't ready to foist another human into their already penniless world. They hadn't planned for this at all. She believed it would be doing injustice to the newborn having it brought into this world and not being able to provide. It is out of their means to financially welcome and support a baby at that time and impossible to create a better future with the already constrained finances.

The instability in not knowing where their next paycheck is going to come from fogged her cognitive way of thinking. She dishearteningly suggested the way to terminate her pregnancy. The couple deliberated over it. But her indecisive husband after all give her the liberty (read responsibility) to make the decision on both their behalf, when he said "Whatever you decide, I'll accept your decision and support it".

It wasn't making this process any easier for her.  Her conscience kept voicing the right and wrong. They came from a religious family where killing life even at it's inception is considered repugnant in the books of karma, and to attempt one knowingly is unforgivable. She was torn, on one hand she definitely didn't want this crisis to trickle down on her kids, on the other hand her ethics and morals were fighting to triumph over her wrong doings.

The following morning, with a heavy heart and swelled eyes she requested her neighbor to watch her kids while she dragged her foot to the clinic by herself. She half heartedly registers her name. She waited there to be called among all other women who have come for the same purpose but with different reasons. She was agitated and perturbed with her still unsettled thoughts. As the nurse shout out her name, her resentful mind disabled her to move forward. She then says it out loud - "I can't do this" and then barged out of the clinic with an outburst of tear and never looked back.

She survived all odds and today that child is a lovable sister, a wonderful friend to many,  a caring wife, and most of all  a darling daughter.

                                    ***************************************

I was once having a discussion with my fellow colleagues in our lunch room about kids. At that time, I was only a couple of years into my marriage. During the discussion I casually mentioned that we (I and my husband) would want to go for only one kid and our decision to have another will greatly depend upon a lot of factors existing at that time of life like age, mental willingness, physical ability and equally important financial stability. One of the lady was shocked to hear that why one would weigh in finance as a criteria. She showed her discontent for my way of thinking and analysing and reasoning. I know it's hard for some people especially if they are never in shortage of money supply.

I am not here to scrutinize and pass judgement on if I support or oppose the act of abortion. It is definitely subjective to rationality that goes behind the decision to terminate. As much as I insist on factoring on finances before planning a pregnancy, I surely won't negotiate my future with that, had I already conceived (accidentally).

What do you think?

*image courtesy - shutterstock.com

Choosing To Live Childless

I remember the day very clearly when my days of motherhood became a reality holding that tiny person in my arms with happy tears rolling down my cheeks and my husband was so proud to be called as "Father". Our lives changed for ever. There were many (lucrative) reasons why we should not go for parenthood and there was only one best reason to go for one. We chose to experience parenthood for just that one reason that it would make both of us happy.

Of course that was an era where the next steps of marriage has to be all about raising a family. A time when  I have only known ladies who were desperate  to have their own child (sooner or later). A society that strongly believed and made everyone believe that a womanhood is never complete without procreating.  The choice was never Do you want to have kids? It was mandated and so answer was always presumed. The choice was only  about - How many kids? 

What was once an increasingly common decision in western culture has now influenced us (Indians) too. I am seeing this new trend where women seem to emancipate themselves from this so called ultimate purpose of her life. I commonly see that mainly women are no longer tempted to have a child of their own.

While some females seem to have known early in their age that they don't really have anything to do with maternal feelings, some don't know yet which way they want to go. Whichever place you are in, the important thing is when time comes confront your own reticent.  Before you reach the point of no return ensure as best as you can that you are clear on your reasoning and sanguine about its drawbacks as well as its advantages. Understand the potential ramifications. A male partner has the luxury of changing his mind; but a women can't because once your cache of eggs runs out your procreating days are over.

We all have adapted/adopted changes in our life breaking the socially accepted norms only because that benefited  you and your (nuclear) family at some point of time. You had your own reasons at that time which likely seemed unacceptable to many. But still you did it. 

There are always going to be opinionated friends and family. Some who may be just a little jealous about all the freedom, the  less responsibility, more sleep, more free time, more disposable income that you will enjoy. And some genuine ones that will help you in decision making weeding out any irrationality behind it. 

Choosing to be childless is a burning decision. It is further complicated by people, who surround to instigate this debate. As friends and family we shouldn't be really advocating on what's right or wrong. Instead if you can help such couples focus on finding the right reasons for their choice/decision.

If you can't speak against your beliefs at least let's not complicate it for them.

It is not unnatural to choose to pass on parenthood but it is unusual yet. The good thing is that you get to make your own choice. A choice that needs to be amicably picked by the very 2 people who vowed to continue this journey of togetherness "until death do us apart". A choice that will keep the couple happy before and after the decision. The more you will learn to love your decisions the less you will feel the need for others to love it for you.

I would recommend reading this post by one of my fellow blogger  aligning on the same subject  - Is Motherhood a Choice?. I conjured my thoughts after reading her post. Thanks Ananya.

*All images courtesy Google. 

Fragrance From Subconscious Mind

It’s a fine Sunday morning. Seems like my dreamy eyes don’t want to wake up but the aroma of fresh coffee is slowly caffeinating my senses. Stretching my arms while in bed, yawing in the moment I scream “Amma (Mom) is my Bru coffee ready?”

Amma: You woke up early, get some more sleep if you want. You have a long day ahead.

Me: Where is Appa (Dad)?

Amma: He has already set out today to run some errands. He won’t be home until lunch.

Me:  I smell fresh coffee, is it brewing?

Amma: Yes, making a fresh batch just for you.

Me: (hugging her) Thank you Amma. You make the best coffee. I wish I could take you with me   :)

Amma: (while I am hugging her even more tightly) ok, just brush your teeth will you?

As I finish sipping my last drop of coffee whilst enjoying some good read from Times of India in our balcony I see my mom with a glass of water chanting some mantras walking towards me (into the balcony). She stood by me to water the Tulsi plant (Sacred plant from the family of Basil). A gentle breeze just passes under my nose injecting the sweet, smooth smell of lavender.

Me: Amma, I was going to skip my shower today but you got me all into it or can I just rub myself onto you so that I can smell like lavender too.

Amma: I know Sunday is a holiday, but not for showering. So get yourself drenched and yes, you can use my Yardley Lavender Talc after.

Me: (sniffing her neck) Thanks Ma, you are a breath of fresh air. This smell is so relaxing. I wish I could take you with me  :)

Ma smiles at me, caresses her hand over my head and walks inside.

I step out of the bathroom and I hear our pooja room ki ghanti (prayer room bells) and I see a thin mist floating around. I take a peek into the Pooja room and see my mom completely focused in her prayers. The incenses were burning with the amber glow at the top spreading in the air the mystical godly fragrance.

Amma: Come and say your prayers too and get your blessings from the almighty.

Me: (Unprepared for the situation, I just walked in and sat beside her with my hands joined) Ma, can you sing the Aarthi (devotional song)?

Amma: Let’s sing together in chorus.

I wasn't in the mood, but thanks to the smell of incenses that brought out the sanctity in me

Chorus Singing….

Me: Amma, this Cycle brand’s sandalwood agarbatti’s (incenses) give out such a divine smell. Wish I could take all this with me :)

Ma smiles at me, caresses her hand over my head and walks out of the Pooja room (prayer room) hiding her face. I could see a little drop of tear in the corner of her eye.

She stops and turns around to say something -

Amma: I am making your favorite for lunch today - Vegetable Pulao (Rice Pilaf cooked with assorted vegetable in a blend of whole spices with the dominating smell of cinnamon).

Me: Ah, Amma, you know exactly what can make this Sunday very special :)

Amma: But it’s going to be at least an hour until I am done with cooking. Why don’t you take out the suitcases and start some packing.

Me: (in a sad reluctant tone) Ok, I will.

Just as predicted in an hours’ time I could get a whiff of the aromatic spices especially of the cinnamon in its final prep form that’s incorporated in the Pilaf. It was whetting my appetite. I ran to my mom hugged her in a jiffy from behind.

Me: (sobbing with convulsive gasps) I wish I could take you with me :(.

Amma: (turns around holds me in her arms unveiling her tears) I know you will fly away to a distant land far-far away but you can always connect with your memories using the power of smell that you can store in your subconscious mind.

Just then the doorbell rings. Amma wipes her tears and goes to open the door.

Amma: Your Mehndi (Henna) artist is here, get ready.

The doorbell didn’t stop ringing…. Soon the whole house was filled with family and friends.

In no time the energizing smell of eucalyptus (that was mixed with the henna) was circulating the house which helped relieving the stress in the atmosphere.

I bet you guessed by now that I was describing a scene from the last few days before I was going to be married. I weaved a memoir with all the distinctive fragrance from that day and registered them in my subliminal thoughts to reminiscence these beautiful moments in the years to come.

It’s been over 10 years now that I don’t get to enjoy my Sunday specials that way. Life moves on but the memories from my subconscious mind flashes before my eyes when a similar fragrance smears the air. These are my most treasured fragrances that I seek every day to bring back those moments alive and here are some of the places that have helped me try to conjure my memories of this specific period of my life even today here miles away.

When I walk the cobbled stone streets of Pikes Place Market (Seattle Washington - The genesis of Starbucks), the strong brawny smell of coffee from Starbucks invigorates my senses reminding me of my ma’s filter coffee days.

When I shielded myself in the scent of lavender during Lavender fest season (Sequim, Washington) it brings me closer to my (omnipresent) Ma .

When I visit the Hindu temple where I stand still in the serenity and sanctity of the smell of Sandalwood paste that they use to welcome devotees. 

When the holiday season (Nov-Dec) dawns upon here, the entire city seems to get influenced under the woody smell of cinnamon. Cinnamon based drinks, baked treats, scented candles…..It’s everywhere  – Malls, shops, neighbor’s house.

When I tread the mall, I am automatically drawn towards Yankee Candles showroom wherein I go to buy my candles especially the one that has the Eucalyptus scent.

When it’s rainy or too cold outside  I cozy up myself in the favorite corner of my home where these candles burn down to throwback my wedding memories.

There are times when I don't have to walk the lanes of Pikes Place Market or visit the local temple or be amidst the Lavender farm or wait the holiday season or loiter around the mall in order to smell those distinctive aromas that sped me back in time. A walk along the sea side whilst taking in the cool, fresh smell of the ocean that wafts the air, is good enough to transport myself back in time to the very same place and among my beloved people.

Contributing this post towards #InspireAFragrance via IndiBlogger sponsored by Godrej aer

The Bright Side Of Black

If you ask a five year old, black and white is not a color that they would agree to be even called as color. Of course I would want a 5 year old to work with eminent colors than just black. While their world is more rocking with bright vivid colors, for an adult psychology the color black has to do a little more than that.

Culturally I have been fed this thought that the color Black takes away all the fun because of the eeriness it develops. Despite that IMHO I feel that, as much eerie as the color black is being portrayed (in some culture), it is also an authoritative color. Even though I am scared of my dark black shadow or a dark black room or just the black night skies, some things are more adorned when it's black, don't you agree?   Let me tell you about just 5 of the top things that I love to have in Black.


Black Silky Tresses - Call it mid life crisis or hereditary whatever it is, my yearning for jet black silky tresses has topped my list due to the multiplying grey shade. Some say it's wisdom I say signs of aging. I know it's an era of dying it to whichever color you want, but you will only be able to understand my plight if you have to dye it every 15 days treating it with so many chemicals. What a boon it would be to have this fortifying black tresse! Thinking about all the flaunting I could do being a hair model swinging my hair in slow motion and untying  it for a Pantene commercial :)

Black Long Garment - Hello my ladies friends! you know what I mean. Every women should/must have that "perfect" black dress in her wardrobe. I am sure many of us already do have a black dress, but mine is too far from being called "perfect".  By perfect I mean how poised, unattainable, sensual I would look walking into a red carpet event that night in my backless, sleeveless long Versace gown of mine with well fitted velvet black gloves raising upto my arms. Nothing can charm a man when a women walks in with a mysterious aura in black.

Black Equestrian Pet  - In a world where most people think of cats and dogs as pet I value an equestrian as a companion. Ever since I watched the movie Black Beauty (adaptation from Anna Sewell's Novel), I have gone head over heels for a galloping friend like him. What a wondrous journey  it would be forming the special bond from a pony to a colt to being a stallion. Thinking about all the adventurous journey on the hills, charging through the beaches and growing up as a buckaroo (cowgirl) :)

Black Rock - Ok, not literally a rock, it's the diamond that I am referring to. What women doesn't like jewelry? While diamonds in general are womens best friend, a black diamond is that special best friend. I already am a collector of jewels with precious stones , So, doesn't that justify enough to have this black diamond added into my treasure. Just the feeling of uniqueness when everyone else around me will be flashing their white diamonds, I will have the advantage of showing this precious contrasting colored stone from Zales. 

Black Ride - Well, it's not just any black ride that I will fall for. It has to be the one that has the characteristic three pointed stars as trademark (Mercedes). I once rented a Mercedes Convertible in one of my road trips in europe and fell in love with it instantly. I was swarmed by people asking me all sorts of questions about the car (I loved getting the attention). Let me be honest, to me, it's not all about the well crafted cars with quality engines and stuff. It's mostly about the swagger. Imagining a trendy portfolio photoshoot of my Mercedes black flawless glossy body. Oh la la!

Black is often seen as a symbolism for affluence, power, elegance, sophistication, and confidence.  With that said, now I am dreaming that I am on a beach walking with my power packed Black Stallion friend dressed in my elegant Black flowy gown, occasionally clearing my shiny jet black strands of hair from my face, when suddenly a sophisticated black Mercedes pulls over in front of me and my confident, handsome man dressed in a black tuxedo gets off of it and woos me with that affluent black diamond.


Ah, what a lucky girl I am!

  

*All images are from pinterest.com

This post is a part of WhatTheBlack activity at BlogAdda.com

This post is introduced now as a part of ABC Wednesday Challenge

Hare And The Tortoise

It was a hot sunny evening when my husband and I decided to go together to pick up our son from his YMCA summer camp. We took our Honda Accord and I gladly let him drive while I sat in the passenger seat enjoying the ride. This is usually the case since I hate driving.

I was telling my husband that we should buy a nice Mercedes, may be an SUV, the next time we think about buying a new car (So much for hating driving). Talking about car's is one of his favourite subject but talking about buying one isn't always though. You know the saga ladies.

We stopped at the traffic light after picking up our son. And what do I see in front of me - it was a black SUV Mercedes (almost like a sign - Aaaaaah). And right next to me on the adjacent lane was a man in a grey Audi convertible of course topless (not the man, but the car, he was good looking though).

Of course no one was watching the Mercedes, all eyes were on the Audi and the man in there knew he had to flaunt and he also knew how to flaunt. He revved up his engine as he was waiting for the traffic light to change (don't know whose attention he was trying to catch especially when everyone was already looking and drooling over his car) . The second time he revved up, to my dismay my husband reciprocated to his roaring engines by revving up our meek Honda Accord.

Me:     "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Getting ready for a race".
Me: "What the hell, we stand no chance he would just fly by and why are you inviting trouble. We are family people and this doesn't even suit our car"
Husband: "Keep Calm and Let it go on! "

It was almost understood that there is going to be a fast and furious scene here. The Audi guy got his cue and he gave that look - "I know how this is going to end, why don't you save yourself from the embarrassment".....

Me: "I don't like this one bit, if I see you break the road rule, I will call the cops on you"
Husband: "Dekhna hum hi jitenge" (Take my word we will win)...."

Just then the traffic light turned green and there we go................I just covered my face not ready to face this!

Son: clap! clap! clap!....yay....papa wins!

I opened my eyes and asked - what, how?
Husband: No matter how fast your car can go, eventually you are only as fast as the car right in front of you.

Turns out the car that was ahead of the Audi was some old trashy one which had tough time taking the incline. All this while someone was being smarty pants and had contemplated this move.

The tortoise wins again but not because of its slow and steadyness but being smart and shrewd.

PS: Please do not take our experience and try to make it your experience. The results may vary. Drive Safe, because we care.

Blog Friends

I never really gave a thought over the fact that one could attract new friendships via the blogging world. Most people with whom I have developed this budding relationship are also fellow bloggers who are passionate in one or the other field that we share common interest with.

These are people whom you have never met before and unsure about the chances of ever actually meeting them in person in future. Yet, you start to develop this admiration for the work they do and eventually out of your imagination we try to personify the brain behind their incredible work via their blogs.

Here are my most cherished relationships from blog world -
Ruchi Chopra behind her blog http://ruchi2312.wordpress.com/
Ruchi is very passionate about her writes. She has been a journalist by profession and you can almost see that journalistic way of writing in all her articles. Her thoughts are dense and hence she is very articulate. She even sometimes comes with her very own cartoon strips which I feel adds value to her writes. She is a freelance writer too and recently she wrote a documentary dialogue for an upcoming wood company in calcutta. Her father's (R.I.P) blessing has helped her emotions flow, many a times even through poems. Lately she has been inspiring me with her rendezvous with nature that she has everyday in her walks :)

Saru Singhal behind her blog http://www.sarusinghal.com/
Saru's writings touched my heart at the very first read that I stumbled upon while blog hopping. Her writings are simple yet intense. Her 4 year old blog has collected noteworthy accolades. With her articles, poetry and her thought provoking quotes  from her heart I must say her writings has some pizzaz.  I had the joy of speaking to her over phone and let me tell you it didn't feel like we were new to each other. It was more like 2 best friends catching up after years of separation.  BTW, I am a permanent member in her fan club.

Anuradha Verma behind her blog http://mydreamcanvas.blogspot.com/
Unlike Ruchi and Saru, Anuradha's work and passion is towards home decor. Many of you know how much I am rooted when it comes to decor. Her blog posts are like a everyday dose of happiness to me.
I serendipitously stumbled upon her blog and instantly fell for it. The photographs on her website/FB page are extremely colorful and inviting. I recently had the pleasure of inviting her to my place when I came to know she actually lives in the same city as I do :). You know she has the best treasures in her house and some day I am going to invite myself to her place for some treasure hunt :)

Thanks for my first ever succulent plant Anu. I love it and it's in a perfect spot :)

In the blogging world people consider these contacts as part of networking (or you can call friends with benefit) that sustains ONLY on the quid-pro-quo basis. But what I learnt was there is also room for something much more worthier than just cultivating a relationship for the sake of networking. You never know who you will come in contact with and they could just go from your reader/reviewer to be a real friend.

Enjoying this virtual reality :)

This post is introduced now as a part of ABC Wednesday Challenge

All About Me Colby and Casey

Dear Readers, 

Today I want to share with you a story handwritten (approx 5 pages front and back) by my 7 year old.

I won't lie, but it took a lot of nudging and nagging (from me) in completing this story. But I do applaud his willingness to pen down his thoughts.

With some tips, suggestion, pointers and help (proof-read and edited by me) from mommy (me), this true story has now taken a shape for you to read.

I am so proud to host this guest post on behalf of my son. Hope you are touched by it as much as we are.

I have always wanted a pet especially a dog. My mom and dad said we can't have a dog as a pet. I met Colby and Casey when we moved to our new home in spring last year. Colby and Casey are my neighbor's dogs. Colby and Casey are sisters. I was so happy and I thought that our neighbors dogs were my pets.

My neighbors names are Lynn and Bruce. I have only asked Lynn what I should call her. She said I can call her anything I want. But I want to call her grandma. I was very happy when she said that.

 I go to their house mostly on Saturday's or Sunday's to play with Colby and Casey. Sometimes I take them out for a walk. I play chase with them. I enjoy playing with them.

Lynn and Bruce have 2 cats too. I don't know their names. The cats always stay upstairs. I don't even see them when I go to their house to play with Colby and Casey.

One time Lynn and Bruce went out for a weekend. They left the dogs and cats at home. Lynn asked me if I could take care of the dogs. I immediately said yes. While they were gone  I was incharge of the dogs.
I went with my dad to their house to give the dogs clean water. I gave the dogs their dinner. I gave them treats. I played with them. When Lynn and Bruce came back they were very happy that I took good care of Colby and Casey. They gave me 20$ for doing a good job.

Colby and Casey are my best friends. I have fun playing with them. When I went to their house on a weekend to play with them Lynn said she has bad news. She said Colby has cancer and she has to be put down and said that she is going to pick up Colby on June 24th. She asked if I want to come, but pappa said "No".

I thought that put down mean's someone will lift Colby up and put her down. And she can't be touched at all because she is sick. But my mom and dad later explained to me that Colby is dead. Because she was in a lot of pain, because of cancer the doctor put her to sleep for ever. So that she will not be in pain and in cancer for too long.

I was sad and I didn't want this to happen. I reacted crying - "I am never going to see her again, I am never going to see her again.". I lost one of my best friends. Colby is now in heaven and she is not in pain.Colby is taken care by God.

Casey will never see her sister again. Now I am the one that has to be her best friend forever and cheer her up. From now on it is going to be "All About Me and Casey". Colby will watch us from heaven.

Lessons From Nemo World

I am an avid watcher of kids movies, especially animated movies. I enjoy it as much as a child does and also use the adult brain when in need. My few favorites are Ice Age 1 and 2, Shrek 1 and 2, Lilo and Stitch, Avatar, Toy Story, Frozen (for their songs especially) and my all time favorite is Finding Nemo.....

Last night I was watching "Finding Nemo" yet another time (I have stopped counting). I could watch this movie in my highs and lows. But watching it (last night) on Fathers Day made my fondness grow even more for this movie. If you really think about this movie, all it tries to portray is the struggles of a dedicated father as a single parent.

The depiction of this resplendent marine world by Disney Pixar is visual splendor. It's an endearing movie that could make you laugh, cry, wonder and teach you lessons of life. Never in a million years I would have imagined that an animated movie can share this much substance.

The movie is packed with many life lessons, but here are a few things that I think we all can learn and teach -

Listening to your child is also as important as listening to parents. 
Ever  fretting Marlin learns from his son Nemo that it is ok take risks. He also learns that he cannot have control over everything around Nemo and that he should not pass his fears down to his son.


It's ok to ask and accept help. Sometimes help comes in the most unexpected way.
Marlin never actually asks for help and thinks that all the ocean dwellers are predators and that he never feels good about seeking help from them. But Dory time and again reach out to others resulting in progress of their journey. Especially when Marlin and Dory become lost after they exit the EAC and Dory convinces Marlin to get help from a whale and are engulfed inside the whale's immense mouth. Marlin desperately tries to escape while Dory tries to communicate with the Whale. In response, the whale carries them to Sydney Harbour and expels them through his blowhole.

The value of Friendship and Teamwork
When Gill, Peach, Bloat, Jacques, Bubbles, Gurgle, Deb/Flo (Fishes at the dentist office fish tank) help rescue Nemo with their team effort. Also the team effort displayed when all the fishes are caught in a fisherman's net and they all force swim down to release the net open.

Never reject anyone for their disabilities and or limitations. Each one of us are different. We each have our own strength and weakness.
The protagonist, Nemo has a deformed fin yet he proves his ability to survive through his ordeal and is accepted by other aquatic school friends. Dory despite her short term memory loss disability knows how to keep hers and everyone else's spirits high.  Marlin's Phobia for the sea is eventually triumphed over,  after he steps out of his comfort zone and fights through the odds in his mission to search and rescue his son.


Parents will never giveup on their kids, but parents should also know not to make such promises to kids that is impossible to keep up.
Marlin's (The dad clown fish) promise to Nemo (Marlin's son) that he would never let anything happen to him was questioned by Dory (the blue feisty fish) as she says - "That's a funny thing to promise, you can't promise that nothing would happen to him"


While we teach our kids to believe in their abilities to be successful, we should also take a leap of faith in our kids and vest our trust in them.
Often its hard for over protective parents to know when their kids will be ready for the real world. As Crush (The 150 yr old Tortoise)  says "You will know when they know"

News/Gossip can spread like forest fire
How Marlin's story narration while travelling the EAC reaches Sydney harbor (until it comes to the ears of none other than Nigel the pelican) well before Marlin himself reaches the harbour.

The movie professes the fact of life that there are going to be some inevitable series of obstacles, it also conveys the message as to how to handle those. So next time you face a hurdle, remember Dory's constant iteration of her slogan... "Just Keep Swimming" "Just Keep Swimming" "Just Keep Swimming" .... :)...Thanks to Disney Pixar.

To Say "I am Sorry"

The other day I was at a grocery store hand picking tomatoes for my weekly supplies. I was engrossed in the selection process (was also preoccupied) and I did not notice that a lady was picking Avocados from the adjacent station. As I was putting my last tomato in the bag, I swiftly turned around to walk away. Since I wasn't expecting someone to stand that close to me, in the spur of the moment I had a quick jolt and dropped the tomato bag and everything just rolled off. I don't know if it's totally my mistake, well may be partially my mistake that I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. I ended up saying sorry repeatedly. The lady said that's alright, you are just fine and helped me pick the tomatoes and we both walked away.

A few days later a similar incident happened at home when I was carrying some papers and books on the stairs to put them away in my son's room. There is a sharp turn after we get upstairs to walk in a hallway and it's almost a blind spot (for both parties). My husband was carrying his cellphone and charger walking in the hallway to go down stairs. As rightly imagined by you all, we rammed into each other and in that quick jolt dropped the papers on the floor. (He didn't drop what he had in his hand though, apparently I scare easy). I instantly raised my voice and said "dekh kar nahi chal sakte" (Can't you pay attention while walking). Even though it was partially my fault, I did not utter the word sorry. My husband helped me gather the papers and all the while I was still cribbing over it. Neither did he say sorry, nor did I.

Isn't it paradoxical that it was a lot easier to apologize to a stranger than to someone whom you known?

Although the incident described above is a very trivial one, I wonder if the same thing happens when it is actually a matter with much larger issues among family and friends, where an apology could resolve it. On the contrary I was ok writing that apology note to a stranger (Story here: Think Before You Speak).

For some, it's ego, pride and fear of being wronged  seems to overpower that they never say sorry.
For some, they are conveniently in denial that they have done something obviously wrong to even consider an apology. For some, it's like writing the word in water, (meaningless). For some, they take time to fully realize what they did wrong before offering an apology. After all, the guilt feeling transforms into shame when a premature apology was forced to be provided.

Truth of the matter is, there are only two reason when a person honestly means an apology.
1) When you cares for the relationship and wants to save it from the wreckage.
2) When you really didn't mean to hurt/cause trouble/harm.
The former works well with friends and family and later works well with strangers.

 On a lighter note, they say apologizing doesn't mean anything if you keep repeating it again. So, the next time you accidentally dash against a person think before apologizing. you know this could happen again :)

Is Jealousy Justified?

I do think that jealousy is equally common in both male and female. But the difference lies in the types of things that a woman might be jealous as opposed to man. Let’s admit that females can get jealous for the simplest and sometimes inconspicuous things too.

There is a subtle goodness to this jealousy too. If you see, jealousy does trigger the competitiveness in oneself. But then again, it is very hard to draw a line between healthy and unhealthy competition. 

For some the feeling is just momentary and they know to let go and realize it’s probably not worth it. For others they are stuck in a rut. I find these people dangerous. With prolonged jealousy comes; anger, rivalry, hatred, ego, pretense and meanness. It is a package deal and it just makes you a deranged person.

I would be lying if I say I have never been jealous before. Oh, I so have had my share of being jealous and also given the reason for other to be jealous at. I don't know if anyone can actually master the art of having a total control over their jealous feelings (oh wait I am not talking about saints). But I would definitely say with age many of us will become wiser in this aspect.

Ask yourself why was I even jealous – threatened, insecure or lack of self-confidence?  And what are you trying to achieve - recognition, superiority, and praise?  Whatever it is, don't let your happiness revolve around that, trying to be someone else and aiming for something that you may not be good at or that wasn't even meant to be yours.

   

While its human to be envious, a little self-realization can help identify when to actually envy that could actually synergize a constructive approach in you to get what you want and when to break open the jealousy cage and truly appreciate others for their achievements, possessions, abilities, strengths because of their genuine attempts.

If you cannot justify your jealousy then, you are counting on someone else’s blessing. So, stop it and take control of your very own strengths.

Think Before You Speak

A month or so ago in a social place, I went and introduced myself to a local (well known) performer here (sorry won't give name). I wanted to just say a few good words about her performance and let her know that her shows are very well received. I was meeting her face to face (one on one) for the first time and have followed her mostly through FB photographs and comments.While chatting, by way of complimenting her (in my mind I thought it was a compliment at that time), I said - OMG, you look so much better in person".
Okay, Okay - I seriously did not mean that in a literal sense. All I wanted to mean was she looked far younger in person than I thought her to be from the perception I had through her photographs.

Later that day when I echoed the same words in my mind I heard it loud and clear. Thank god she was not a Model! such a terrible thing to say to a model isn't it? :). she would have got right back at me :).  Jokes apart, in no way I meant to ridicule her. I later sent her an apology note explaining what I really had on my mind
when I said those words. She responded in a way that suggested that she accepted it.

This is not the first time I have spoken before I properly thought through it. Just another flaw in me :(.

That said, have you ever been in a situation where someone purposely (with meanness) passed a ding on you among friends/acquaintances? There have been many such times when I really want to reciprocate to an argument, discussion or plain mean sarcasm. Especially with sarcastic remarks, I so want to get back at them then and there. I keep thinking for that one relevant material/word that would turn the situation back on them and say - "The joke is on you pal". I also seriously wish the person who passed a sarcastic remark would have "Thought Twice Before Speaking".

Later when I sit to gather my train of thoughts - Oh, I should have said that to make it more emphatic or valuable or rhetorical. If you see, there are times when I actually think before I speak but what's the point,
the moment has passed and it ain't gonna happen.

I guess one has to train their mind to -
Think all you want but don't speak all you think. 
Think fast but not in a hurry. 

Attitude Is contagious

I think by default the word “Attitude” puts up a negative aura. People most often use this word to express when he or she displays snobbish, temperamental and callous behavior. When you say – “Oh, she had an attitude” doesn't that sound debasing ? But when you prefix with an adjective like “great” and see - “Oh, she had a great attitude”, now this sounds like you are appreciating. So, the word when used alone seems to take a negative spot and probably needs an adjective to make a positive impact

What attitude you display socially does not necessarily explain or justify your attitude towards life and everything else. It can be deceptively related, so I prefer to see them separate.

Especially when you are a stranger, your attitude is what is going to define your personality. Be it men or women we all look for that vibe in the other person before connecting with them. With strangers whether I want to leave it at a handshake or do I want to keep connecting the dots it actually depends on what attitude the other person is wearing. What’s hard to figure out is their attitude towards life. At least not until we actually get to know them, right?  See now that’s a catch 22 situation.

My attitude towards life is very simple - Live and let live. But when it comes to socially being, I think I don't have a definitive attitude. I admit I am a bit flaky in this field. Sometimes I chose to ignore these people with attitude disorder but there have been times when (may be even just for the moment) I have caught their attitude disorder just to be their mirror and show them how it is like. I always end up in remorse after I have gone through that. I do get upset about myself but seems like I haven't found a way to completely get over it either (even today).

Every now and then we do meet, hear or read about those influential people and wish to keep the same attitude as them. We also meet people who influence us just the opposite way. Either ways, I do think Attitude is contagious. The question is, Is yours worth catching? It is at your own discretion to want to catch it or to say- No thanks, I have my own. 

Coincidence, Confused, Condolence

It’s human to show an instant connection (at least momentarily) with someone who shares the same name as yours or with someone who has the same DOB as yours. I once met a girl on my every day train ride during my last year of high school (junior college). She had the same name as I do, she too was a south Indian and she was an Arien too .  We went to the same high school (though she was a junior by a year). We board the train from the same station since we lived in the same town (Dombivli).

It’s not that we met every day or took the same train. So, our acquaintance stayed confined to train meetings. Soon we got to know a little more about each other. She had this carefree attitude, very bold personality and above average intelligence, smart talker and jovial too. When she was there along, the 1hr ride never felt that way. She always had something interesting/funny to talk about. Sometimes her sister (I believe older sister) Sandhya would travel along. Sandhya was slightly different. She didn't talk much. She always made sure she had makeup, her hair neatly done, stylish clothes. On the other hand, Vidya looked like she just woke up from the bed and came. But there was something about her that was attractive though.

As I moved onto my college (we eventually were in the same college too), we lost touch. Once in a while we might spot each other in college campus and stop by to say a quick hi and moved on.

During my college days I also got enrolled in a 3 year computer course (GNIIT) at NIIT. I took this course at a center that was about mid-way (30 min away) from the place I lived and from my college. I could write a book about my days at NIIT. But I made a lot of friends and acquaintances there since I seemed to spend more time at NIIT than my college. I took a 6 months break from NIIT since I needed to focus on my final year exams at college. So, I completely stopped going to the center and then wasn't in touch with many of my classmates, friends.

One evening I received a rather intriguing phone call and incidentally I picked up the phone. The caller at the other end failed to identify himself. He first asked – Is this Vidhya? I said yes and the response from the other side was – OMG, so you are still alive and the phone got disconnected. I have no idea till date who the caller was. It didn't bother me much but I kept wondering.

That day I might have received at least 10 such blank calls. Some would at least care to say hello and some would just disconnect after hearing the voice. My parents thought some guy was purposely pranking with blank calls.

The next day in one of a local newspaper that was in circulation we read a headline news that a girl committed suicide who jumped from the top of a 5 storied building. She was found dead (from the fall) from a building that was a block away from the NIIT center that I attended. The newspaper also had the girl’s name, age and the town of her residence revealed. I think you can guess now, the newspaper read “19 year old Vidya a resident Dombivli-ite……”.  

For readers it was too much of a co-incidence (name, age, place of residence) and the fact that the location of incident was at a proximity to the same NIIT center that I was attending. It was then easy to connect the dots between the blank calls and this incident. For the next week we received calls from a lot of people (especially fellow NIIT-ians) with a hesitation in their voice to probably offer condolence. I would then tell them, I am very much alive.

But to me the startling discovery was (one of my other friend who tagged along with us in our train commute mentioned) that it was the same Vidya whom I travelled with during my high school days. It was the same carefree, bold, strong minded girl. I would have never imagined for her to take such a stupid (sorry for the word) step. I always saw her as a person who was courageous enough to face any situation and not bail out by taking her own life. Or does one need more courage to take their own life than to live? Perhaps I underestimated the fact that being bold can go either ways.  I am still in denial that it was her and if it is indeed her, it still bothers me to the core that it probably was not a suicide!

~There is always a lack of good reason behind every suicide attempted or committed.

Memorial Day Long Weekend - 2014

Better days are coming, they are called: saturday and sunday.
We usually feel there aren't enough days in the weekend and that we need a day between Saturday and Sunday.Well this one is kicking in with a bonus day. The best part of having this bonus day after sunday (and not between Saturday and Sunday) is that there are only few more days before another weekend gets here.

Happy Friday everyone! For a change we will be staying in town for this long weekend. But I wish for your weekend to be full of adventure and cheer. Whatever road you take be safe out there.

Those Simple Conundrums

I have been preparing myself  mentally to answer those odd/curious/out of the blue questions that every parent will  have to face being asked by their child(ren). For some reason I was only thinking that those intriguing questions would mostly be of gender bender type or one of those naked truth type.

In the past he has asked us questions like -
What happens when someone dies?
Where is heaven?
My friend said good people go to heaven when they die, so where do bad people go?
My friend says that there is no god. Is that true?

And some funny ones like -
What is a sudden death (while watching a game show)? If they don't get it right do they all die?

But today he asked me a rather simple question and I wasn't sure how I could explain that without trying to open a can of worms or worse upset him or feed wrong ideas.
He asked me (while he was reading a book) - What does Stepsister means? Do I have one? :)

Since we (especially my son) don't know of any family whom I could put forward to explain this situation with, I had no choice but to explain it keeping us under scrutiny. I was struggling and stuttering to ensure I use the right words and at the same time not putting any unwanted thoughts in his head.
Anyway, I don't think I did a very good job explaining that to him. I know that because, before even I could finish with what I started he had more questions and I could see that he wasn't happy with what he was hearing. I do think he vaguely understands the term stepmother now though.

Anyway, I turned to the internet in order to find a suitable way to explain this, but found none convincing.
Any ideas and thought?

I am sure there are parents out there who have been in the same shoes. Care to share some.

The Ravishing Women Show - 2014

On this mothers day, I (and my family) was there to witness the Ravishing Women Show - 2014.  The essence of this show is to identify, honor and encourage women entrepreneurs. They focused on falicitating many (Indian) women entrepreneurs who have struggled their way in this country in order to make their dream/passion come true and have successfully established it too (from food to fashion).  Even though the show was concentrating on women, it was open to anyone and everyone.

I was definitely astound to see so many women who have made their mark in life. What I need to quote here is most women when they decide to embark on a career path they most instinctively think about how they can continue to grow without disturbing the balance between family, home and their career. I don't want to say men don't do that, but I do feel if given a choice they can afford to conveniently shed the load in order to aim high in their career.  So, giving my hoot to all those women.

Coming back to the Ravishing Show, can a show be complete without motivational speech and entertainment. The underline of entertainment was the selection of Miss & Mrs. India Washington.

If the renowned Manish Malhotra can design clothes for ramp, Manisha Malhotra (a fellow Seattleite) sure did know how to showcase these participants on the ramp (I wonder if they are related in any way!).

Among all appealing talented performers, the one that earned a standing ovation was a dance performed by Jennifer Lynn Adams. She currently in possession of the Ms. Wheelchair USA 2014 crown (moving her way up from Ms. Wheelchair Washington 2013). I will let the picture speak for her feat.

How did I end my day? Of course eating and shopping.
Amidst all the food stalls my taste buds urged me to try some appetizing Paani Puri's by Paani Puri Seattle! I have never had Paani Puri's that are served in a hygienic way :).

My friend Gauri Arts was exhibiting her art collection (Specializing in Warli) at the vendor area. Amazing artistry skills displayed by my friend here. With a perennial smile on her face she attempts to emit the same energy to others via her talent. Here is what I bought from her collection.

Title given by artist: Why boys should have all the fun.

I also bought this vase in a striking blue color, hand carved block (as base for the test-tube vase) from My Dream Canvas. I serendipitously happen to stumble upon this blog on Facebook and found interesting ethnic collection on this online shop.

Last but not least the brain behind this show had to be discernibly a women-isn't it?  Congratulations to Menka Soni (who is an entrepreneur herself) and her team on pulling this great show with the noble intention of recognizing talented women . Kudos to you all. See you next year.

They say behind every successful man there is a women. But is the vice-versa true?
Behind every successful women it's herself for sure and the man who is going to stand behind her dreams will definitely need to bring in an army of people (family and friends) along when he supports his woman. Because that's the magnitude of a woman's dreams.

PS: I would have loved to see a male MC (or at least co-host), hosting this show giving a little praise to the fairer sex.